so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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