Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
