have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
