I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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