I cockslap morals
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
