AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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