Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
