Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
