he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
