Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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