Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
