Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
