I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
