At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
did i just pee glitter
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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