she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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