I look better un-naked...
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
