i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
