His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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