Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Send help, water and tortillas.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
