my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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