theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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