I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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