I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I am midnight drunk by noon
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
