New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
