yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
