Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
