I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
