I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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