Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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