i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
