Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
