He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
