I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
