he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
it's like iHOP with fire
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
