I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
