I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
