thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
