Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
my liver is dry heaving
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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