I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
