I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
