I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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