Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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