Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
