I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
