There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
