So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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