oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
