carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Welp...herpes.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
