I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
