i permit you to call me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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