there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
